Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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