I wish I only lived at night.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
