Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just made out with a guy for $7.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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