I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize