I just saw a hot homeless man
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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