i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
