I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
