We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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