you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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