she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
