Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
