Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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