Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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