So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
