im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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