the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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