dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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