You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
