I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
