your parents love me but you hate me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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