I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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