Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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