Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
