Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
