Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
