the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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