my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
