honey bunches of taint.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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