it's not cheating when I paid for it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
