Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Boobs speak an international language.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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