my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
