no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
