i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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