Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
