When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
