My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
