Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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