Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
