I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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