Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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