hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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