Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
