I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my being single is dangerous.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
