Just took my morning after pill in the library
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
