I want to make a zoo with you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
