there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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