i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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