I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
