The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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