Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
