Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
