I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
