just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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