I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
