So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
