Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
