Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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