I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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