I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
