No stitches, just platelets and will power
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
