i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
