I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
