i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
