well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
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I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize