can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
