I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
