Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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