No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
