Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
