Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.

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(925): View more from California

So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...

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(361): View more from Texas

She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong

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(416): View more from Toronto

Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist

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(330): View more from Ohio

All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....

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