Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
