Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
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I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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