I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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