How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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